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Articles
By
Dave & Ariel Lindorff
Accredited
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Associated |
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This
Country Is Nuts! A Complete Mental
Breakdown In The US |
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Posted By Dave Lindorff September 9, 2008
Okay, I have to vent here. We all get a
little crazy sitting alone at our keyboards in
this business, and it's finally gotten to me.
I know there are serious signs of a complete
mental breakdown in the US, with polls
reporting that millions of people are actually
excited at having a low-rent religious fanatic
who consistently mispronounces pundit as "pundint"
(shades of Dubya!), pilfers state funds for
her family's personal use, lies about her
alleged opposition to Washington pork, claims
the bloody war in Iraq is "God's will," forces
her 17-year-old daughter to make a momentary
mistake into a lifetime one by marrying the
kid who got her pregnant, and refers to blacks
as "sambo" and to Alaska's indigenous people
as "arctic arabs," running for vice president
on the ticket with a man who is a walking
medical disaster waiting to happen.
These are probably the same people who still
give the worst president in the history of the
Union a 30 percent approval rating, who keep
watching reality TV shows (perhaps thinking
they're real), and who still think having
180,000 US troops indiscriminately
slaughtering Iraqis, Afghanis and Pakistanis
is making the US "safe."
But right now I want to talk about Homeland
Security and the US Postal Service, two small
examples of domestic insanity.
I tried to mail a book to my father last
Saturday for his 86th birthday. In order to
make sure it would get there by Tuesday, I
sent it in one of those flat-rate Priority
Mail envelopes--the ones that promise two-day
delivery. It cost me $4.80 (five 90-cent
stamps, one 24-cent stamp and two 3-cent
stamps). I dropped the little package off
after hours into the mail slot in the lobby of
my local post office.
Yesterday, my envelope was in my mailbox,
though, with a blue sticker attached headed:
"Important Customer Information: We regret
that your mail was not collected or is being
returned to you due to heightened security
requirements. All mail that bears postage
stamps and weighs more than 13 ounces MUST be
taken by the customer to a retail service
associate at a Post Office."
Okay, so dad won't get his present on his
birthday.
I called the local PO to ask what was going
on, and was told that any package over 13
ounces with stamps has to be handed in person
to a counter employee.
"With stamps?" I asked. "What if I had worked
at a company and had a metered stamp put on it
and then dropped it in a mailbox or mail
slot?"
"Then it would go," I was told. "Because we'd
have a meter number to trace who mailed it."
Let's see. The meter would trace the package
to whatever big company I might have worked
at, but I don't see how that would help them
trace it to the actual mailer. Imagine trying
to figure out from the meter number which
Merck employee or which Pfizer employee sent
that package of anthrax, or which Philly
Inquirer employee mailed that stink bomb...
Now, what about if I brought my package to the
counter? Would it be opened and checked? No, I
was told. I would simply be asked by the
counter clerk whether the package contained
any banned substances, like bodily fluids,
liquids or bombs. If I said no, it would be
accepted for mailing. ("I know this all sounds
silly," the postal worker on the phone told
me, "but I don't make the rules. It's Homeland
Security.")
Wow. The Post Office and the Department of
Homeland Security are sure keeping our mail
trucks and our airlines safe with this clever
policy.
I mean, we can be sure that those stoopid
Ayrabs wouldn't think to put a metered stamp
on the bomb they send through the mails. And
that asking at the counter thing, that would
sure catch anyone trying to slip some deadly
substance into the mail stream. The clerks are
probably trained to look for certain kinds of
markers of suspicious behavior--a tic, a
shifty look, or some reticence in the answer
given.
Right.
So this is what it has come to in America.
We're ready to put an refugee from the "Jerry
Springer" show a missed heartbeat away from
the White House, and we keep our mail and our
aircraft industry safe from terrorists by
returning (through the mail, mind you!!)
packages that are left in a mailbox if they
have postage stamps on them.
Dad, if you're reading this, I'm sorry your
present is going to arrive late. Take it up
with Mike Chertoff, the guy who made sure
everyone got out of New Orleans alive when
that city was hit by Hurricane Katrina.
Is this a great country or what? |
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